Insanity Mondays; by Jeanie White

Part five

It's amazing to think about all a person has been through and survived; emotionally, physically, and mentally. We go through so much and yet we still live our lives and push through the hard times like it's not as important as we believe it is. I have come to realize that the system has a way of dividing its people, and we play into their hands every day.

I grew up surrounded by racist family and friends but I never allowed their behavior or views to change who I was or how I saw the people in my life. A lot of people refuse to see others for who they are and instead judge them based on the lessons they decided to learn the hard way. Most individuals spend their whole lives hiding behind “masks” they created in order to hide who they truly are out of fear. Fear that others will judge them or look down upon them because of who they really are.

I used to wonder why people were so scared of just speaking from the heart or saying what they thought. It’s like when someone hurts you and you just take it instead of standing up for yourself and saying “hey, you hurt me.” You can’t hide from the world and then get mad when people don't understand you.

I learned fast that if something bothers me to speak up because no one will know how I feel or what I think if I don't say anything. If you don't understand something or someone, ask questions until you do understand. If someone is trying to communicate with you then listen and try to understand them. We make life so difficult because we fight most of the feelings we have. The feelings and emotions we have are our subconscious mind talking and guiding us along our paths. When we don't follow our feelings and intuition we tend to make mistakes.

It's okay to make mistakes though because mistakes are simply lessons we need to learn the hard way. Those who refuse to see their mistakes and learn from them have a tendency to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. I know I did at one point because I didn't quite understand what my mind and body were telling me. I learned fast how to pay attention to my inner self so I could heal from my past.

I find myself awake at 5 in the morning writing because it's hard for me to sleep with so much on my mind. I keep thinking about what I want out of life. I find myself searching for what I feel is missing in me. There was a point in my life where I just wanted to escape. It was at that point in my life that I stopped feeling safe. At 5 years old I realized I was my only true friend. I trusted no one but my inner voice. I was hurt emotionally, I was in pain physically, and I was mentally broken.

I stayed this way for far longer than I care to admit to anyone other than myself. I built walls to keep people out so no one could hurt me again. Those wal